Stars

once upon a midnight blue
the stars came out to dance
a brilliant play of God's night light
a twinkling sort of trance

and as I gazed upon that sky
so vast and full of Him
I felt so small, I felt so loved
joy filled me to the brim

when I consider your heavens, Lord
just as the psalmist writes
what is man that you are mindful of him
my thirsty soul delights





~ April Milam

Finding the God-thread

As my mother and father prepare to move out of state, I find myself looking back at old memories a lot lately, so I've been writing...

"But examine everything carefully; 

hold fast to that which is good;" 

~ 1 Thessalonians 5:21 (NASB)
 

"Be still, and know that I am God;" 

~ Psalm 46:10a (NIV)

Our lives are like a tapestry, the threads skillfully woven together to create a unique work of art.  Among the threads we are able to see ourselves, the people that surround us everyday, and God, The Tapestry Maker, Himself.  Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”   This bold statement implies that we are unable to grow toward greater understanding of our true nature unless we take time to examine and reflect upon our life.  The writing process can help us examine ourselves more closely, allowing us to see our life tapestry and the God-thread that shapes it with faith, hope, and love. 
 
Sometimes His threads are easy to see while at other more turbulent times they are the underlying threads, naked to the human eye, prompting our doubt to ask, “Where is God?” Finding the God-Thread is about taking a deeper look at every life story we write in order to “see” God.  Perhaps He was in the ray of sunshine that brightened your dark day.  Perhaps He was in the arms of a friend that knew you really needed a hug.  Perhaps He was in the lesson you learned from a difficult experience developing your sense of perseverance and character.  Regardless of the situation, He is always there.  Faith allows us to see the God-thread of hope woven throughout each life experience.     
 
Just remember, we’re all flawed.  Everyone has darker moments. No one leaves this life unscathed. We screw up. We shame ourselves. Tragedy happens. We've all suffered physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual hurt.  And yet not every story is for public consumption. You don't get points for pulling skeletons out of the closet and rattling them in your unsuspecting readers' faces. But the main goal of the writing process is to learn. If you learned something that might help someone during difficult times, it might not hurt to share.

Sharing God Stories

“Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it, no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.”

~ Frederick Buechner Now and Then: A Memoir of Vocation

I put together a class on sharing our God stories and the material focuses on the craft of writing. But finishing the class with a life's manuscript that's polished and well written is not the point. A friend of mine once said, “It's about the process, not the product.” Yes, excellence is important, and we should take pride in our work. But there's a danger in getting so focused on how perfect the finished product appears that we forget to enjoy the process that got us there. Writing is a process, a journey that allows us to disentangle and deconstruct our thoughts with a depth than mere spoken words can't provide.

They say that reading makes a better writer. I've done the reading:

Anne Lamott Bird by Bird: “Writing and reading decrease our sense of isolation. They deepen and widen and expand our sense of life: they feed the soul.”

Stephen King On Writing: “The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them -- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear.”

Annie Dillard The Writing Life: “Similarly, the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. You open your safe and find ashes.”

Dan Allender To Be Told: “Fasting from any nourishment, activity, involvement or pursuit—for any season—sets the stage for God to appear. Fasting is not a tool to pry wisdom out of God's hands or to force needed insight about a decision. Fasting is not a tool for gaining discipline or developing piety (whatever that might be). Instead, fasting is the bulimic act of ridding ourselves of our fullness to attune our senses to the mysteries that swirl in and around us.”

The list goes on. The library shelf of life is filled with many great authors, but at some point, you have to set the books aside long enough to start writing. I wrote a class on writing to teach others how to find their voice, because every one has a story just waiting to be shared. You were made with purpose and glory. It's time to stop hiding your light. Let it shine. You have a story that's worth telling. What are you waiting for?

So tell me, what's your story?

Pool Ponderings

I've just spent an hour in the pool at The Y, punishing my muscles. I love swimming. Ever since I was a kid, I've taken to water like a fish. Today I think I figured out why I enjoy it so much.

As you swim, the water envelops you, resisting, reacting to every movement: push, pull, expand, contract, action, reaction. The water is with you every stroke and kick. Its presence is undeniable. What I love about it the most is the way it reminds me of God. His constant presence is as close to us as our next breath. For better or for worse, in the center of the laughter, the tears, or the mundane, He is there.

I can see the water, feel it against my skin, smell the salt and chlorine. It's tangible. God is just as tangible if we're willing to stop and breathe. His light, love, and grace envelop us. We may push away from Him or experience an irresistible pull towards Him. But He is there always.

I think I needed the comfort of that reminder, today.

“Now faith is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses].” Hebrews 11:1 (AMP)

a little monday poetry

"No More Boxes"

Fear and doubt make up the walls
Of my tiny little box

I am only this, I am only that
I am only as small as the box I put myself in

Light and love have no such boundaries
God has no such boundaries

Created with purpose for glory
Tear down the walls and shine

Light, love, and perseverance
Grace and freedom are mine

© April Milam 2012

How May I Help You?

I’m currently reading The 77 Habits of Highly Ineffective Christians, by Chris Fabry. I was cruising along, skimming pages, and having a good laugh here and there when I came across Habit #50, “Have All the Answers.” And suddenly the book wasn’t so funny anymore. Here’s the advice the author has to give to the ineffective Christian. 

“No matter what kind of life you lead, you will no doubt come in contact with people who are experiencing troubles and trails. And when people question their faith, it is imperative that you have all the answers.” 

“I do not mean that you should understand the biblical view of suffering. I do not mean that you should discern the bedrock theological questions of sincere people. That would be dangerous. I mean you should cultivate an attitude that you have life figured out.”  

“Never just sit and mourn with a friend; say something. Never identify with someone who is struggling. Never simply weep and admit you have the same feelings. Give verses, even out of context if you have to. Give short pithy sayings like ‘This too shall pass’. If you can quickly silence a question with a sentence, you have done a great thing, particularly if you can make it rhyme.” 

“You must also take on yourself the weight of the person’s problems and believe if you don’t have the answers he or she will fall away. If you don’t fix the person right then and there, he or she will be lost forever. In this you promote the idea that God is not sovereign, you are. This is why you must act as if you have all the answers.” 

The librarian in me wants to find all the answers, know all the answers, and be able to pass them out at a moments notice, served with a side dish of wit. I feel inadequate when I don’t have the answer. It’s as if I need the answers in order for all to be well in my own personal universe.  And the desire to share those answers is a byproduct of customer service.  If you can’t give people excellent customer service, then you’re not doing your job. 

The problem comes when this attitude flows outside of my job and into my Christianity.  After all, isn’t it more satisfying to make someone happy by giving them the all answers, then to let them lean on God, and simply be there with them as they struggle? 

"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect." - 1 Peter 3:15

"But he said to me, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9

If others don't see our weaknesses, or if we don't boast in them, then how will Christ be magnified? We should be able to tell others if or when we did and still do struggle with something, but that it was in that weakness that Jesus changed us. It's His power. 

 Sometimes the smartest thing you will ever do is shut your big mouth.  Silence always speaks the loudest in any circumstance. I am always trying to fix things or create solutions to problems.  I know that when I talk with my husband about a problem  I'm dealing with, I'm not telling him because I want answers.  I'm really just looking for an ear, a shoulder, and a hug.  So why it that so hard to give others?

 

"A wise old owl sat in an oak, the more he saw, the less he spoke.  The less he spoke, the more he learned. Why can't we all be like that old bird?"                   ~ author unknown
 

Cerebral Quercus

The Assignment: Write a poem using the tree of life as inspiration.

Don't read too much into this.  Given that it only took me about 15 minutes to write, it's not exactly my most thought provoking piece.  But it was a  fun experiment, and the results were quirky to say the least.  Enjoy.

"Cerebral Quercus"

I sit at the base of an ancient oak that whispers at twilight,
half-light, day and night converge, a quiet breeze, crisp fall air, here my questions merge.

How did curiosity kill the cat?
And why did satisfaction bring him back like an addict that can’t get enough?
Questions haunt.  Answers nag, craving resolution.  The answer is somewhere in the tree.

So deep run the roots.  Let me be grounded.  So tall are the branches. Let me reach for the sky.
Such a commanding presence has the trunk of the tree, fully present as it weathers any weather. 
Let me be here and now, ever present, ever aware.

A single leaf falls to the ground clothed in hues of gold and red defiance.
Tumbling downward it calls out to the others, “We are Autumn.  Resistance is futile.”

I am what I am why I am.


© April Milam 2012

(Quercus is Latin for oak tree.)